Vanity, loneliness, anxiety, depression, highlight reels, people seemingly being happy all the time or just completely down—we are starved of authenticity. When we see curated content (or produce it for that matter), it can be easy to feel inadequate. Either we feel we can never match what a person shows online or we can’t match the version of ourselves that we portray to the world. Honestly? Both suck lol. Both can be slightly inevitable unless we change our perception and perspective. This is one of the hardest things especially when we are young. Let me tell you how I’m doing it, and what you can do to navigate this digital, lonely-ass age we live in. :)
Before I dive deeper, let’s define substance, shall we? I define substance as an element of depth that people can have that shows their empathy, compassion, struggles, and unique ambitions that go beyond the physical. The issue with the world we live in and the environment of social media is that sometimes substance isn’t always easily recognizable, or sometimes it’s not really there haha. This isn’t to be rude because I believe everyone has some level of it, however, some choose to ignore it or focus on other things (to clarify, there’s a difference between substance and being light-hearted). When we don’t know someone personally, it’s also hard to know their life story or what struggles they have too. This is why I believe that we have the power to shift the narrative and transform social media and the future.
I’ve always tried to be transparent with what I go through and share on my good days and bad, which I think is the first step to solving this substance crisis. It’s very weird to navigate this time when we don’t understand algorithms, branding, trends, or just anything related to marketing. Don’t worry, I’m not here to educate you on that, I’m sure you know enough. What I can tell you though is that (ironically) the people who usually have a lot of substance don’t have the biggest platforms. Sometimes it can take a while to build, and if they do have a bigger platform, it can feel hollow because they’re serving a larger audience, more private, or because you don’t feel like you know them as well (note: there are definitely exceptions and I love those creators!). This reminds me of how sites that sell access to a creator are so successful. It’s partly for the pretty photos, but mainly for the connection. This phenomenon is almost equivalent to the situation where if you want a committed, long-term relationship but are constantly having 1 night stands, it might feel sad and unfulfilling for a while. There’s nothing wrong with people monetizing their time (or for one-night stands, do what makes you happy!) I just think it’s interesting to observe why these sites are thriving.
Why is someone’s time, care, affection, and attention so valuable? Why are we lacking it?
I think this is partly due to how we were raised and if we feel we are lacking in these meaningful relationships ourselves. It’s one thing to be content with your own company or to be a complete hermit, but if there’s one lesson that the world and nature teaches us is that we literally cannot survive on our own. I know we technically can at some point, but to be brought into this world we are extremely vulnerable, fragile, and rely on someone raising and protecting us. We thrive in some sort of community where we feel seen, appreciated, and loved. Many people don’t have this unfortunately, and it’s sadly a common feeling to be surrounded by people and yet still feel alone. Enter social media! You’re not alone, here’s your _ number of followers and people who like, comment, subscribe, or seem to ignore your content. Problem solved! Right…? Almost. Honestly the best platform I’ve found to connect with others is Reddit and Discord. They’re both unique, but Reddit seems to put everyone on an equal field and focus on the content whereas on Instagram the first thing you see is the amount of followers and a feed on images. On Reddit you have upvotes, downvotes, or ‘karma’ as they call it and they highlight the current content, not the collection. It also promotes discussion, which can be incredibly affirming to know other resonate with you. Discord also shares similar positive outcomes because you can openly chat with people and even be in voice chats where you hang out or play games with others. I think both platforms have substance, and it’s nice to have these outlets where you can express yourself, your hobbies, interests, and passions and find other like-minded people.
I’m reminded of the lessons and quote from Christopher McCandless": “Happiness is only real when shared.” When I think of that quote, I realize that most people just want to feel accepted and loved. Finding that within yourself is a journey, but finding it with others is what I find to make life so beautiful. These connections are treasured and special. We crave substance because, in my opinion, that is one of the most fundamental and crucial things of our existence. Sometimes we are lucky to have that with our family, with romantic partners, with our pets, and within ourselves. Sometimes it can be impossible or a struggle.
Nevertheless, when we figure out what is most important to us and what makes us truly happy, and we can continue our journey of self-love and create, nurture, and find that substance ourselves.
I wish you luck on your journey, and will happily talk more about this soon. Thanks for reading!
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