The concept of time is wild. We’re often stuck in the past and too worried about the future, and yet none of that exists. The only thing that exists is this moment. Read that again. Read it several times if you must, because truthfully that sentence is hard to digest especially when you live in the false reality which is often our anxiety. I swear sometimes I feel like I sound like a cliché fortune cookie, but oh well the advice rings true lol.
Photo credit to John-Mark Smith
I’m still learning how to be present. I’ve definitely gotten better at it throughout the years, but having an anxiety disorder has not made it easy. Nonetheless, we persevere and try our best because we only have 1 life. I initially started writing this as I struggled to fall asleep, and now it is a new day! I cannot tell you how much happier I am overall now that I’m learning to not dwell so much in my anxieties and in the future. It’s one thing to plan for tomorrow and years from now, that in itself is inevitable in this day and age. However, it’s another thing to be consumed and crippled by fear of things that have yet to happen or things that are not really true. I know the anxiety I’ve faced tends to lie a lot and rob me of my happiness. I understand that having an anxious attachment style starts when we are young. I’ve learned to tame it over the years of existing and therapy, but sometimes it still haunts me. As I look back on my life, it’s almost sad how much precious time and energy I’ve wasted (and still waste) worrying. I feel much more wise and equipped to deal with these intrusive thoughts now, and while I acknowledge I can’t change the past, at least I can focus on the now and use the lessons I’ve learned to be happier.
Especially after the passing of my cat Missy, I am sadly reminded how our lives are very short. I wish I knew her time was extremely limited. I wish I practiced enough patience and really savored each moment. I wish I studied her behaviors and played with her more. While I can’t do that physically, I miss and think of her often. We can’t predict the future and we don’t know what will happen today nor if there will be a tomorrow. The juxtaposition of society and capitalism is planning for years down the line and yet balancing that with our need to be in the now. I’m learning that all we have is now.
Photo Credit by Alina Zahorulko
Let’s be real though, living each day as our last is impractical. To spend everything and try to check off every bucket list item in 1 day sounds exhausting (and almost impossible). We have to accept that all we can do is our best with the resources and time we have. We need to dig deep and figure out what is most important to us.
What makes us truly happy? What do we want to accomplish? We each have an extremely limited amount of energy each day—how you will spend it?
We each have an extremely limited amount of energy each day—how you will spend it?
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